Debbie Downer

Someone once told me that not writing in your blog daily is blogger's suicide. I guess that means I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge months ago. I've been home for about two months, maybe longer. To be honest, I've lost track. It makes me feel better that I have no idea what the date is, or what day of the week it is, or even, what time it is. When you don't have a job, time really is relative. I know that might be the most cliche thing I have ever said, but it's true. I no longer wait for the weekend, because, everyday feels like the weekend. When waking up at 11:00 a.m. feels early, that is a bad, bad sign. This unemployed lifestyle is starting to take its toll on me. I'm bored, restless, depressed, somewhat unmotivated, lazy, and lacking in inspiration. I feel like I'm starting from scratch ... again. I feel like I've done this about twenty times. Scratch that, about fifteen million. Ever since I graduate from college I've been moving, then coming back home to figure my shit out, then moving again on some adventure, then coming back to figure my shit out. It never gets easier. Why can't I just figure my shit out like everyone else? Looking for jobs is never fun, especially now, with the economy in such shit. (How many times can I say shit in this entry?) Everyday I hear of someone new losing their job--one of my friends, someone at my friend's company, blah blah. It blows.

Snap out of it Debbie fucking downer. I really am trying to manifest positivity in my life. I've had a few really great things happen in the past two months since I have been home. I'm not going to go into major detail right here as I'm currently trying to be somewhat discreet about my personal life on this thing, but it seems to defeat the purpose of honest writing. I've already revealed too much anyways, might as well give up on having anything personal these days. I'm a member of Facebook, enough said. Anyways, it's not like the two people who read my blog (thanks Anita) will give a shit. Let's just say I have some sweet things going on that aren't necessarily career related. Well, one of them is.

My wanderlust has led me to apply to grad school in London for Journalism. This is an option. A very viable one. It's an option; I like having options, even though I am the self proclaimed, most indecisive person on the entire planet. It takes me about ten times longer than the average person to make a decision.

This is a step by step guide to my decision making process:

1) Stress out/have an anxiety attack
2)Ask everyone and their mom what they think I should do
3) Listen carefully to everyone's opinions and think about them in detail, wavering
4)Smoke 15 cigarettes
5)Drink 15 vodka tonics to accompany 15 cigarettes
6)Eat a pint of ice cream and think some more
4) Daydream about both options and think about how my life would be in either situation
5)Follow my gut ....

Basically, if I just followed my gut at step one, I would make decisions in half the time. I even have to ask someone's opinion on what kind of snacks to purchase at the grocery store. Do I want Flaming Hot Cheetos or Nacho Cheese Doritos? Do I just want some White Cheddar Cheese It's, or go healthy with some Quakers? It's a hard decision. This little, unimportant, minuscule decision takes me about five minutes to make. Now, think about how long it takes me to make life-changing ones. Really, think about it. My head feels like tangle-weed. I don't even know what tangle-weed is, or if it is an actually thing, but that's how it feels. Indescribably confused. Indecisive. This is me.