I leave for London in four days. Four days! I'm going to go check out City University for the grad school program I might attend in the fall. It's crazy, I could be making another big move. Another move. Another city. Another life. Another adventure. It's so weird how much life can change in just a short number of months. A year ago I was working my ass off at DivineCaroline, living in San Francisco. Who would have thought that life would have turned out this way a year later--a four month jaunt around Asia and now graduate school for Journalism, in LONDON of all places.
I remember when I visited London for the first time when I was twelve. I was enchanted, in love. I remember walking through the park near my cousin's place, brightly colored peacocks wandering around aimlessly, going to Harrods, and taking the big-red-bus ... I told my self then that some day, I would live in this city. I've always wanted to get to this point. Now I am actually here. I have that feeling in my gut, that one I get before I make any major move or any major decision. It's a strange yet very familiar amalgamation of fear and excitement. It's knowing that I am about to embark on an amazing adventure. Without thinking too much about the what ifs, the what nots, the what the fucks am I doing, my heart feels like it's going in the right direction.
People close to me have told me that they are proud and envious that I am so passionate about writing and traveling that I am willing to constantly sacrifice any sort of stability to have these adventures. If this is what I love, how could I be happy doing anything else? Sometimes I'm envious of them for having their shit together. The husband, the steady job, the perfect apartment, a home, the life that I am supposed to want ... but somehow don't. Not yet, maybe not ever. Who knows. All I know that my wants change daily. Sometimes I don't know what I want. Sometimes I wonder why the mainstream, the normal, the 9-5, is what I am supposed to be content with. Maybe I just don't want to grow up and face reality, but I just want my reality to be something different. Only time will tell where I end up.
I stumbled upon this quote and I think it's beautiful. Anyone who has ever really traveled knows it to be true:
“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things - air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky - all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” - Cesare Pavese
Nothing is yours except the essential ...
