I have certain places I travel to in my head when I'm stressed or anxious. I close my eyes ...
I return to a beach in Kuta Lombok, Indonesia. It was secluded, there was no one else around, save a few fisherman wading in the water with hand made reels. The water was this turquoise clear blue I thought only existed in movies. I remember wading into the ocean, laying on my back and letting the sun beam down on my face, the waves engulf my body, letting myself go weightless. This is my paradise.
I return to a lagoon in North Fork, California where I spent a ten day meditation retreat. I couldn't speak to anyone. Being totally alone with my thoughts, I would walk to this lagoon everyday. It was summer the buzz of dragonflies and echoing of frogs was all I could hear in the silence. Purple wildflowers surrounded the murky green water. There was a stump of wood where a tree once was and I'd sit on it and breath. I needed this place. It was my place and I always go back here, listening to the subtle resonance of frogs and dragonflies to carry me through.
Sometimes I go back to Inokashira park in Tokyo during Cherry Blossom season. Bilowy pale pink petals falling in slow motion and blanketing the dirt. The perfume of the delicate flowers engulfing the city in loveliness.
I miss these places. I need these places. I'll always have them in the back of my mind and I can return to them whenever I need to find peace. I give thanks for such beautiful places and periods of my life to reflect back on.
Sometimes I wonder what exactly I'm doing in this strange city. I came here with a dream of becoming a journalist and I don't question that dream, but sometimes I question whether or not I am truly capable enough. Writing for me has always been love. It has always made me feel free but sometimes, like everybody, I question whether I am going to make it as a writer and I get terrified. I feel the anxiety taking over. If I don't have this, what do I have?
My friend today said she loves being a journalist be because it lets her see the world through other people's eyes. You get to learn about things you would never otherwise learn about. I loved that. It's so true and the reason why I love journalism. It's constantly changing. You are constantly learning.
I can't predict the future. I don't know where I will be in a years time. I just know that I will be writing. I hope I find more beautiful memories to go back to when I need to find solace from the world and from myself.
