I'm scared. Terrified really. I'm so scared, I might cry. Enough with the dramatics, I go home in two weeks. Tentatively. I always like to add the tentatively in the end, because, really when traveling you never know what could happen. Jenna wants me to meet her in Malaysia, which I would love to do, but don't think I have the funds. Money fucks with everything, yet it's the only way I get to keep on doing cool things. Cool things like meet Jenna in Malaysia. Cool things like get that scuba diving certificate I've always wanted. Sigh.
A part of me feels prepared to go home and a part of me feels like sobbing because I don't want to. Let's be honest ... I'm exhausted. Moving around from place to place with a backpack that gets heavier by the day, sleeping in unknown beds and rooms with cockroaches scampering around on cold tiled floors, gets exhausting after four months. It's been the best thing I've ever done in my life, one of the most life changing experiences, and at the same time, I feel like it may be the right time to go home. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss the little things like waking up on a Sunday morning and walking across the street to my neighborhood coffee shop in North Beach and eating a flaky croissant while sipping a cappuccino and reading a good book. I miss chimichangas in the mission at 2 a.m. after a night dancing to eighties tunes at Beauty Bar with my girls--Anita, Cat, Ang, and Shy. I miss sipping champagne on a hot summer night with my boys at Cafe flore in the Castro. I miss baker beach in July, and I miss brunch in Noe Valley with Anita, and dim sum in China town with Amy and Pete. Maybe after I do all these things and after a week of being home, I'll yearn to be on the road again, to be in Asia. But regardless, I miss those little things that make my life into what it is. My friends, my family, and San Francisco.
I love traveling; I've had the time of my life. I've realized a lot of things on this trip, but one of the most important things that I've realized is how much I love my friends at home and how much they mean to me. They make my San Francisco. They make it fun, they make me love it, and I want to return because of them. It's gonna be hard finding a job, hopefully I'll be able to find one in San Francisco and not have to leave my foggy city yet. I hope for the best upon my arrival, and until I return, I'll be laying on a beach somewhere in Bali hanging out with randoms from around the world, or stuffing my face with dim sum in Hong Kong.
